Proverb Dyslexia

My sister "Polly" has a classical case of proverb dyslexia. She's constantly mixing her proverbs.
I guess you could also call her metaphorically challenged.
Whatever the diagnosis, it brings a lot of chuckles from the rest of us.

Sometimes she doesn't have a "thin cent" or a "red dime" and at other times she thinks rolling stones shouldn't dwell in glass houses. (At least they wouldn't have mossy walls to mend.)
Anyway, I finally convinced her to start writing some of these little jewels down so I could share them with the internet world. Here are some recent ones.

• "Stark" and "Polly" watching the end of a Western:
  

  Polly:  Well, she fixed HIS goose!
  (appropriate period of time for Stark to chuckle and Polly to realize that something is wrong.)
  Stark: I think that's easier than cooking his wagon anyway.
  
  
  
  
  
• Polly: I was driving through Sonic this afternoon, and had planned to go at the cheap time. However, I left work too late, and missed it. I was lamenting to "Mariel" (on the phone):
  Oh phooey! I thought that I was going to get here for Happy Time! It felt sort of wrong, but I thought, "Oh well, something's wrong there, but she knows what I mean."
  Mariel: "It's party hour!"
  
  
• Mariel  Today she was pretending to fight me,  put up her fists and said "Put 'em up, Duke!"
  

  Carina:  John Wayne would be proud.
  
  
• Polly:  Trying to describe some type of music that I wouldn't necessarily dislike:
  

  It wouldn't necessarily be something that I'd turn my nose down on.
  Aurgh.
  
  
• Polly:  Last night, on the way to graduation, Stark and I were chatting. We were discussing a situation (I can't remember which one), and different options. We did some "if this, then that" sort of scenarios, and I suddenly thought of one option that could make things go horribly wrong. I blurted, "Of course, if they did THAT, it would throw a screw into the whole mess!" Now, I DO have a sort of explanation to that. Of course, I was aiming for "throw a wrench into the works," because I've been trying to avoid expressions with the verb "to screw" in them. (because I'm not sure if they are vulgar or not.) So "screw it up" came to mind and I tried to fix it quickly. I ended up merging the wrench expression with "screw it up," and "mess up the whole thing."
  

  
  
• Carina: Well, throwing a screw into a bunch of gears would be equally detrimental.
  

  I had one of my own today. We were talking about food for something, and I said, "That would really throw a hamper on the whole thing."
  
  Hum. It would appear that this transliteration of aphorisms may have a genetic cause. At least it looks like the rotten apples don't fall far from their barrels.