Bible Valentine Riddles

Here are some valentine riddles for you...
Each poem represents a "couple" from the Bible.
The answers are at the bottom.
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Together we plotted; together we schemed

For the land we had sold far too dearly—it seemed

We kept back a part, but claimed we gave all

Together we schemed…but apart we would fall.

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For a vineyard denied him

He sulked in his room

I hired two good liars.

Nabboth was doomed.

But our evil was judged

Cruel was our fate

The dogs licked his blood

Me—they ate!

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As she gleaned in my fields

I beheld her one day

A maiden from Moab

Many miles away.

She wanted my protection

She offered her life

I gave her a family

I made her my wife.

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I watered some camels for a man at the well

He charmed me with jewels and a quest

He asked me to marry a man--sight unseen

And I followed him off to the West.

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She charmed me; she teased me

She lied so sincerely

She called in the barbers

And I paid rather dearly.

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 Her father made a promise to offer her hand

To whoever conquered a piece of Cannan land

I found it quite easy and married the daughter

Receiving some land and two wells of water.

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I wanted to marry a beautiful girl.

And the seven years it cost me

Passed by in a whirl.

But her scheming father

Had his own little agenda

And I married the eldest

An able pretender.

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 We worked hard together

Designing some tents

And met an earnest preacher

Who made lots of sense

So we both were converted

And started to follow

In turn we were able

To preach to Apollo

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She was the fairest

I was the best

Together we plunged

You into a mess

We lost everything

When we fell to a fib

I was her teacher

She was my rib.

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Nobody wanted to marry the woman

She would be trouble; her eyes, they were roamin’

But God gave an order.

Obey it, I must.

She broke my heart; but did not kill my trust.

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When Vashti got sassy

I sent her away

To find a replacement

Was easy that day

She dressed rather simply

I thought she was fine

All Kings need a Queen

So she would be mine.

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She gave her firstborn son

To the temple for his life

And thus redeemed her position

As a man’s barren wife.

He had another wife, you see

And children as well

But none were “asked of God”

Like the little Samuel 

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God’s judgment fell upon us

Though we prayed and though we cried

For the murder of Uriah

Our little baby died.

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My husband was a wealthy man

With a temper like a mule

Stingy and intractable

His name meant “fool”,

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My name meant “princess”

And my beauty was renown

He said I was his sister

When we got to Egypt’s town

I didn’t have a baby

Until I was ninety-nine

So we named him laughter

And I loved him—he was mine.

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We moved away to Moab

When the famine hit our land

There I buried my poor husband

And my sons, close at hand.

Then I headed for my homeland

With my daughter-in-law

“Call me Marah,” I said

My pain was all I saw.

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He drove away some bullies

And was such a gentleman

I knew he’d learned his manners

In a civilized land.

So though he was an exile

I loved him all the same

And followed him to Egypt

And watched him grow in fame.

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He killed all his brothers—princes’ every one

When he died he left his kingdom to the youngest of our sons

Who died within a year, in spite of all his wealth, so I

Slaughtered all my grandsons, and took the throne myself.

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 I didn’t believe the angel

 Well, he’d given me a shock

So I wrote a letter to my wife

Cause now, I couldn’t talk

I told her about the baby

That would soon be born to us

But when we named him John

How our neighbors made a fuss.

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Our third little baby

Was the one we had to hide

So we put him in the river

Left his sister at his side

We gave him up when he was young

We left him in God’s hands

How little did we know about

His destiny: His plans.

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My father was an Egyptian priest.

My husband was a slave

He saved us all from famine

With the good advice he gave.

He knew what skinny cows meant

He listened to God’s voice

I was really proud to be his wife.

Though it wasn’t all my choice.

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Answers: Ananias and Sapphira, Ahab and Jezebel, Boaz and Ruth,

 Isaac and Rebecca, Samson and Delilah, Othniel and Achsah, 

 Jacob and Leah and or Rachael,

Aquila and Priscilla, Adam and Eve, Hosea and Gomer,
Ahasuerus and Esther (or Xerses and Haddasah),

 Elkanah and Hannah,  David and Bathsheba, Nabal and Abigail,
Abraham and Sarah, Naomi and Elimelech, Moses and Zipporah,

Jehoram and Athaliah (Ahaziah was the one in the middle, and the surviving grandson was Joash.)

Zacharias and Elizabeth, Amram and Jocobed, Joseph and Asenath